


until it's gone

by kiyala



Category: Marvel, Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, Thor (2011)
Genre: Angst, Assumed Character Death, Grief/Mourning, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-08
Updated: 2012-09-08
Packaged: 2017-11-13 19:55:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/507141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiyala/pseuds/kiyala
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Loki falls from the Bifrost, Thor realises how little he appreciated his brother.</p>
            </blockquote>





	until it's gone

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for [pretty_panther](http://pretty-panther.livejournal.com/) over at [Avengers Land](http://avengers-land.livejournal.com/).

They say that you never know what you have until it is truly gone. 

Thor, young and brash and cocky, had scoffed at this notion. Of _course_ he knew what he had. He was Odin’s firstborn, the golden prince of the Realm Eternal. Someday, his father would step down and the power would be his; he would be king of all the nine realms. He had _everything_.

He knows better than that, now. He knows that what they say is true; he’d never appreciated what he had. He’d never truly appreciated Loki and now…

It takes a while for it to sink in. He knew, the moment he’d seen Loki’s expression change, his grip on Gungnir slacken, that he would lose him. He knows, on some level, that Loki is gone. That his brother is _dead_. It’s just taking the rest of him a while longer to catch up.

It’s the little things that Thor misses the most. He misses the way that Loki would immediately pick up on Thor’s distress, and though he would never comfort Thor outright, Loki would read aloud to him, calming him with his soft voice. 

He misses the way Loki would taunt him, taking pleasure in the way Thor was nowhere near as sharp as he was. He misses the needling, half mocking, half affectionate, and the way Loki’s lips would curve into a smirk.

He misses the weight and warmth of Loki in his arms, both of them tucked into Thor’s bed, entwined in each other more than anyone ever knew. The loneliness of the night is what gets to Thor the most—and it is then that he mourns. 

Lying on his side of the bed, Thor looks at the empty space beside it, willing his mind to fill the blanks, _terrified_ that he will forget. He clings to memory of Loki’s face and every single expression he knows. He imagines Loki’s voice, both light and teasing, and deep and serious. He finds the books that Loki used to read to him and reads them himself, imagining that he’s lying in his bed, that Loki is perched on the edge, book in hand. 

Thor is strong when the Æsir watch. He keeps his head held high and yes, he is allowed his grief, but none know of just how much he has lost. None of them realise that he is mourning not just a brother, but a lover, a part of his own soul. 

He would give anything, he thinks to himself, to just have Loki back. To be afforded a second chance, so that he might right his wrongs.

When he is back on Midgard once again, Odin’s dark energy still clinging to him insistently, with Loki lying prone on the ground before him, Thor wonders if this is truly what he wants. His heart has not stopped pounding since the Allfather had told him that Loki still lived. He watches Loki get up, rage and pain and mockery in his eyes, his skin sallow and words tinged with madness.

_I missed you desperately_ , he thinks, but he doesn’t dare speak it. He cannot risk Loki throwing the sentiment back in his face. 

Instead, Thor makes a silent promise to himself.

This time, he swears, things will be different. Thor will make sure he appreciates what he has. And he will do everything in his power to _keep it_.


End file.
